February 1, 2008
As I sit here ready to write another update from the hospital, thinking this morning this message would be typed from the comforts of my home, my heart breaks. We have had a stressfilled morning:
Mattie woke up about 8:30 and got his meds in prep for his wound dressing tub time. He was not medicated enough by the time we started at 9:45 so he was in more pain than ever before. We deceided we need to medicate more during the night, even if it means waking him up (last night he slept through the night again). His nurse, Franny has been with us two days in a row now, working 12 hour days and is a God send! We adore her kind and gentle manerisms with Mattie and I, both. Jason did not make it in time cause of traffic and our earlier start, so I had to try to help in what my mind was prep for going home. The team of docotrs (a swarm of white coats, with mask on) came in again to view my little boy's bright red, burned body. They talked together and seemed to all agree that he needs to be here at the hospital longer...possibly surgery if the elbow joint area does not show improvement. It is the only part of his body not healing and the most needed area to heal. As their words swarmed around me, I felt myself becoming increasingly emotional. The tears swarmed down my cheeks as I held my little boy close, to my beating heart. Jason looked at me asking me if I was ok, and I bit my lip to show that I was trying to hold back. Mattie was already having such a hard time I could not bear him seeing me "loosing it" emotionally. Between the exhaustion of being in the hospital and the disheartening news of his recovery process, my world seemed to be crashing in. I wanted to leave the room, but all I could do was stick it through.
Now that we have shed some tears and had a bite for lunch, Mattie is with Jason doing some physical theraphy with some balls in their "gym" area. Jodi his therapist is great and encourages us to push Mattie past the pain for the better good of his body. I needed a moment and Mattie reluctantly went with them so I am trying to type as fast as I can in case he starts to hunt me down again!
As I wrote out the title of this email, my mind thinks of so many passages in the Bible about running the race. The race we are in is not of the body or time, but of the heart. Enduring through the pain, the setbacks, the trials of the heart and enduring with the strength that only our Heavenly Father can give. He will minister to me, and only give me as much as I can handle each day. I trust in the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. A good friend gave me a notebook to jot down praises we experience through this. Last night I wrote down three praises that happened yesterday, this was so relaxing at the end of the day to think back over what good happened, take account of it and praise God for it. They may seem little but it did make my heart rejoice. All the prayers are welcomed and encouraged by all, and know that your words, thoughts and prayers all minister to everyone in our family. I will update more later....
Blessings,
Heidi Bekken
As I sit here ready to write another update from the hospital, thinking this morning this message would be typed from the comforts of my home, my heart breaks. We have had a stressfilled morning:
Mattie woke up about 8:30 and got his meds in prep for his wound dressing tub time. He was not medicated enough by the time we started at 9:45 so he was in more pain than ever before. We deceided we need to medicate more during the night, even if it means waking him up (last night he slept through the night again). His nurse, Franny has been with us two days in a row now, working 12 hour days and is a God send! We adore her kind and gentle manerisms with Mattie and I, both. Jason did not make it in time cause of traffic and our earlier start, so I had to try to help in what my mind was prep for going home. The team of docotrs (a swarm of white coats, with mask on) came in again to view my little boy's bright red, burned body. They talked together and seemed to all agree that he needs to be here at the hospital longer...possibly surgery if the elbow joint area does not show improvement. It is the only part of his body not healing and the most needed area to heal. As their words swarmed around me, I felt myself becoming increasingly emotional. The tears swarmed down my cheeks as I held my little boy close, to my beating heart. Jason looked at me asking me if I was ok, and I bit my lip to show that I was trying to hold back. Mattie was already having such a hard time I could not bear him seeing me "loosing it" emotionally. Between the exhaustion of being in the hospital and the disheartening news of his recovery process, my world seemed to be crashing in. I wanted to leave the room, but all I could do was stick it through.
Now that we have shed some tears and had a bite for lunch, Mattie is with Jason doing some physical theraphy with some balls in their "gym" area. Jodi his therapist is great and encourages us to push Mattie past the pain for the better good of his body. I needed a moment and Mattie reluctantly went with them so I am trying to type as fast as I can in case he starts to hunt me down again!
As I wrote out the title of this email, my mind thinks of so many passages in the Bible about running the race. The race we are in is not of the body or time, but of the heart. Enduring through the pain, the setbacks, the trials of the heart and enduring with the strength that only our Heavenly Father can give. He will minister to me, and only give me as much as I can handle each day. I trust in the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. A good friend gave me a notebook to jot down praises we experience through this. Last night I wrote down three praises that happened yesterday, this was so relaxing at the end of the day to think back over what good happened, take account of it and praise God for it. They may seem little but it did make my heart rejoice. All the prayers are welcomed and encouraged by all, and know that your words, thoughts and prayers all minister to everyone in our family. I will update more later....
Blessings,
Heidi Bekken
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